Browsing through the social media ,I just can’t stop admiring the beautiful pictures that people post with their better halves. From the pre wedding photo shoots to post wedding pics. From awesome designs on the digital invites to coochy cooing couple pics , people look head over heels in love. I must admit, the pictures ,especially on instagram are enviable and appear straight out of a fairy tale.
But, the moment I log out of the social media and look at real people around me, I fail to understand ,what I just saw on my social media feeds is a farce or is it the world around me?
When I bump into my colleagues, friends or relatives, I find a different world all together. Most of them seem to be struggling with their personal lives, marriages are in doldrums, some have walked out of them, some are contemplating doing that and few of them have chosen to continue ,just like they have been for so many years. Unfortunately, even for those in relationships, a break up is always around the corner and may be it comes up for discussion, or dare I say for arguments between young couples every fortnight.
Be it love marriages or arranged, college romances or office link ups, couples who have dated for six months or since forever, there doesn’t seem to be a sure shot formula for predicting success or failure of a marriage. The real life truly doesn’t seem to be in sync with the glossy made up world of social media.
Though there cannot be one single factor that rocks every marriage, on interacting with people around me , I found one factor, which seems to be common in all cases. I felt ,that most people struggling with their relationships felt SUFFOCATED in that relationship.
Not denying the fact, that when two people decide to spend their entire lives with each other, it is more about them being ‘US’ rather than ‘I’ , but, the fact is, that this loss of individuality takes the first brick off the marriage wall.
One of the integral features of a successful relationship is, that the person lets their other half be themselves. At all different stages of our lives, we grow as individuals, we change as individuals, our thought processes change, our aspirations change, to sum up, we change completely ,or better we evolve.
The moment an individual feels that his or her relationship is acting as a hindrance to him or her being themselves, the frustration creeps in. They may give up their process of evolution, but that frustration starts to show up, as then they might start expecting their partner to give up or at least compromise on his or her priorities too, and when that doesn’t happen, people start feeling cheated or short changed in their relationships.
It is important for both the partners to understand ,that their other half is an Independent entity too, let him or her be whatever they want to be ,beyond being your partner. The biggest mistake that most people make from the onset of their relationship is, that they feel the other person will NEVER CHANGE or if they do, they will change only as per the demands of the relationship. This can never happen. If a person starts doing something that he or she never did, it’s not because of your relationship, it’s just that the way you think changes with time and age. For instance, if your partner was an introvert when the relationship started, but now is an extrovert, then to exclaim that ‘You are not the same person that I had married‘ , is paradoxical to the way humans are expected to grow. It is possible ,that something might have changed in your partners personal or professional lives , that has brought about this behavioral change. Also, every change that you see in your partner is not necessarily caused by your presence in his or her life or by just your relationship, there are countless factors ,which may have lead to this.
The simple way forward is, when in a relationship, we need to be part of each other’s lives, make important decisions together and move forward together, but ,never forget that you are two independent individuals. Take a back seat and enjoy the growth of your partner, emotionally ,professionally or in any which way. It is perfectly ok, to have a different group of friends, different tastes, different priorities. It is not necessary ,that every task that you take has to be joint one, all holidays should be together, all events should co attended. It is normal for your partner to have a friend that you don’t get along with, it is normal for your partner to have a close friend of the opposite sex, if you look carefully ,it’s a mirror, you too are, or can be the same, just give that space unquestioned, and you will never regret it. If you feel ,that you cannot be part of some leg of his or her journey, let them go ahead, and trust me, if they too do the same for you, years down the line, you will find the same person, but in a different and a better avatar next to you , and that is the day the relationship will succeed.
Most of us get married even before we are thirty, by then, we had not understood or explored all our ideas, thoughts,likings,dislikings,ambitions,inhibitions,goals etc. we all end up marrying a person, who hasn’t understood himself or herself completely as yet, and to expect that you have understood the person you are tying the knot with, is naive. When you start finding answers to all above mentioned attributes, you will change, the change you may not see, but your partner surely will. This is the time, to let go of your partner ,let him or her be free, you do the same for yourself and trust me, you won’t lose. The partner may succeed or fail , achieve or miss ,whatever he or she has set out to achieve, but at the end of the journey he or she will always be truly yours. If you can stay single , even when you are married or in a relation, you will be the happiest which surely will reflect in your relationship.
The weekend has just gone by and its Monday morning again. The buzz of the alarm reminds Ameya of his responsibilities and drags him out of the bed. His wife for 15 years,Priya is already up and finishing her early morning chores. Its time for the kids to get up and get moving, its school time.
This morning is no different, infact just the replay of the previous one thousand mornings in the life of Ameya and Priya. The only thing that has changed in these mornings, is the date. Every day for them is a theatre that plays the same show, where they play their role to perfection. Their corporate jobs have acquired them and that too, to an extent where, they don’t own their time or thoughts, leave alone the time for the clichéd ‘SOUL MATE’.
Let us just blur the backgrounds and the surroundings and just look at just Ameya and Priya, as a couple. Two lovely people , who met in college,fell for each other and at some stage in their lives decided to be for each other forever. As time went by and the life progressed everything around them grew except for the intimacy between the two.
The nonsensical fun that was part of their daily routine is non-existent, the chatter,the teasing and surprises are now replaced by well seasoned and agenda based talks. Hefty conversations involving home,finances,retirement planning are now the (only) things that they talk. Earlier they didn’t need topic to have a chat, now the urgency of the topic makes them chat.
Their day starts and ends on the same bed, just a few inches from each other, but the distance between them has grown miles.What is obvious is never said and what is said , may be has no soul to it.
The ‘COUPLE’ is now two individual entities under the same roof and may be, this marks the beginning of the end of a relationship, that was meant to be till eternity.
Speaking up to a spouse of 15 years might be more difficult for Ameya or Priya , as compared to, what it was when they spoke for the first time. Then it was an all to gain and nothing to lose situation, today it could be an all to lose and nothing to gain situation.
The conversations have the solution to everything in the past, their absence today is the cause of everlasting problems. The years and responsibilities have been a catalyst in ending them, but it’s not an irreversible chemical reaction.
May be may be, just get that bedroom conversation going and suddenly it might start rolling the time back.the issues that you thought were the reason , might not even exist, the anxiety over something could have been misplaced, may be what kept you away was just the creation of your own mind.
Shun those messaging apps and adorable social media comments, just speak up.
Yess, it is difficult , but not impossible.
Your agenda for the day, HAVE A HEARTY LAUGH WITH YOUR SPOUSE / PARTNER TODAY and see the magic. Lets reduce those miles back to zero distances.
…..and if you love it, do message back the experience, I am waitinggggggg!!!!
Come August and its celebration time. For we Indians, the end of august marks the beginning of the most joyful time of the year. It marks the beginning of our festive season ,which goes on ,almost till the year end. We are loud, we are hyper,we are colourful and that’s how we like celebrating. That’s how we have always been and will always be.
The festive season has just kicked off, from janmashtami to raksha bandhan to Ganesh chaturthi to Eid to Durga puja to Diwali , going all the way to Christmas, they keep coming.
Along with the festivals, the crusaders on the social media to get hyper active and start pushing the agenda of ECO FRIENDLY festivals. Less water, no synthetic colours ,no fire crackers , no this ,no that , the just keep going on. But, personally ,I DON’T support them nor do I buy or want the idea of eco friendly, safe and non polluting festivals. No , I am not a jerk, I am being logical.
In august, The supreme court , refused to change or relax the restriction ,that the lower court had put on the height of DAHI HANDI during the festival of janmashtami. It said it wont permit a height of more than 20 ft for the human pyramid,as it is dangerous . Also ,earlier the high court had disallowed children below the age of a8 from participating in the pyramid formation.
Building up to the festival, a prominent leader in Maharashtra openly refused to accept the order and asked ‘HIS’ people to go ahead and do as they wish. The issue here was not about,what the court had said, it was more about, ‘THEY’ interfere in ‘OUR’ religious matters and not ‘THEIRS’.
On the occasion of Eid-AL-Adha (Bakri Eid), the ask for an eco- friendly (read blood less)Eid grew and the reason cited was, why only ‘OUR’ festivals are targetted and not ‘THEIRS’.
I am no expert on religion or on ill effects of pollution and stuff, but purely as a lay man all I know is, festivals are supposed to unite us and give joy to one and all.
We have shared the puran poli’s and sheer khurma’s to easter eggs thinking of the festivals as our own. The thought of ‘MINE’ and ‘THEIR’ has never crossed our minds and it never will.
I don’t mind , if few people suffer by falling in dahi handi or get injured in Muharram procession or get skin infection due to chemical based colours or inhale a little more of poisonous gases from the fire crackers. This number will be small (hopefully) and only the unfortunate few will suffer on short or long term basis.
Agreed, that it does affect all of us in a longer run, but it will kill us slowly ,without letting us know and over a period of time. On the other hand if this OUR’s and THEIR’s debate flares up and it keeps growing, it will spoil the secular and friendly fabric of the nation ,thereby killing the entire nation at once. Hence, I choose to sacrifice a few unfortunate ones for the larger interest of the nation. We have survived the Mughals to British to World wars only because of our unity and I don’t want to give that up for any reason whatsoever.
So, let the decibels go up , lets increase the height of pyramids, lets not bother about the pollution or and other damage, they will hurt us in a way much smaller than what the communal polarization of our nation will do.
Note: I know,lot of people might find evil intentions in this post as well, coz unfortunately lot of us interpret stuff , not based on what is written, but who has written it.
Well, let me start by telling you a little story. Sorry, but I did steal these from the diaries of two people, here goes the excerpts from the first one
From the diary of Ameya Desai,
15th Dec 1989:
Its my 8th birthday and I am ecstatic to be selected in the junior volleyball team at my school, I am surely going to be a great athlete in future, may be some day play for my country at international level.
4th April 1995 :
Wow, I loved riding my new motor cycle today, I always wanted this one and it was great zooming past everyone else like a wind….oooooooooooooooooo felt like I flew today.
6th june 1999:
Biggest day of my life so far, finally got admission to one of the most reputed colleges for engineering in computer science, I am going to rock the course and will surely be the envy of others. I know I have it in me.
17th August 2003:
Just can’t believe this , admission to the dream university in USA is now a reality. Wooo hooo, off to USA tomorrow night, here I come uncle Sam, the world is now mine and I surely will conquer it.
5th Jan 2004:
Cant believe I met her,I knew it was meant to be like this and I knew it since the day I saw here, my batch mate today and I know my soul mate forever.Life cant be more beautiful!!!!
18th March 2005:
Yess yess, it had to be me,I slogged for it, worked for it and now finally got it. Placed from campus with the biggest software giant , and my package, well I wont reveal here , you would be jealous. Ha ha ha!
13th January 2007:
Finally the D-Day has arrived, great to have my mom blessing me on this important day . Finally I am not single anymore, sorry bachelors, I leave your community.
11th September 2012:
Feels great to move into our own 4000 sq ft home in the downtown, will cherish this moment for life.
16th April : 2016
Never knew I would be heading the entire clan at this company, position,power and an awesome pay package, well life looks complete today.
From the diary of Pankaj Desai (Ameya’s Dad),
13th june 1985:
Just dropped Ameya to school, his first day at school, was a bit cranky so had to stay back for sometime, missed my office today , but I guess being with him on the first day at school was more important, office can wait.
4th April 1993 :
Ameya has become a teenager today , need to start saving a little more, will cut down further on my expenses, growing child, his needs will definitely be on the rise, let me be ready.
6th june 1998:
Ameya is doing well at junior college , am sure he will be eligible for admission to a good engineering college next year. I just applied for funds from my provident fund ,will have to keep the fees ready, my child is brilliant and I will make sure that he does not lose this great opportunity to learn.
14th April 2003:
Just finalized the deal for the only piece of land that I owned. Ameya is supposed to fly for his MS in August, needed money to pay his fees, dollar has become too expensive. But then, all my property was meant for him only, no regrets.
15th March 2004:
Ameya just left back for USA, he was here for a month on his vacation. He has grown up so much in last one year. These foreign Universities make them work too much, I am worried, looks like he’s not taking care of his health it seems, but he looked happy and hence I am grateful to GOD. Let me take your leave for today, have a doctor’s appointment, my back has been giving some problem since last few months.
18th March 2005:
Ameya got placed in a huge company, he sounded so happy on phone. Wanted to get up and jump and dance but at my age the health doesn’t let the body be itself, though I am relaxing in the arm-chair, all of me is dancing within.
5th January 2007:
My wife just left for Ameya’s wedding on 13th. The back problem and slipped disc prevented me from taking such a long flight. Also , I had to be here to manage stuff here, cant just lock and leave. So have to give the wedding a miss, but will try to be there on Skype. Hope he has a great married life.
15th July 2012:
The age seems to be catching up, the back issue has worsened ,movements are restricted. Last few years I have struggled to complete my regular chores. The maids and help are around, but you all know how they work. I Better do it myself, or today I wish I could do it myself.Feel helpless and lonely, never thought it could be like this.
16th April : 2016
I thank God for a great life, gave me everything,just that, I wish I cud be with ameya a little more, want him to be 4 yr old again, but I am happy about where he is , I and my wife will live through it.
My Two Cents
If you read the entire thing and are sad about it, then you are AMEYA in your own way.
We as kids grow up, we have our plans, our life and our dreams. Absolutely nothing wrong it, but we tend to forget to include people for whom ‘We’ were always the plan.
Our lives revolved round our dreams, but theirs revolved round making those dreams come true for us.
We grow wings and fly away to leap across the world ,leaving behind those,for whom we are the world.
We have plans but unfortunately they are never part of the plans, we want to fly,fly high but fly alone, without the burden of any responsibility.
Dear all, plan and grow, don’t stop, but make sure your parents are always part of the plan. They are not part-time jobs,they are your full-time responsibility.
Unless ‘DAD’ is part of the plan , its NOT a plan!!
Note : All above names,dates and events are fictional….just in case… if you were wondering.
Since the day a child is born, we indians are made to believe that we are born in the best nation on the planet.We are time and again, in our rote learning system are taught ,that we are the oldest and the best culture in the world. The greatness of the nation and the religions and the gods and languages and history and what not and finally how blessed we are to be Indians.
To cut the crap and coming straight to the point, all this is a big lie that the Indian society tells its kids and may be believes it themselves. The irony of our society is ,when it comes to beliefs (any kind of) logical reasoning is absolutely banned.
Here is what the world thinks of Indians and why we are the worst nation and worst people on the planet,
1) The Europen and West American Travellers society (EWATS) carried out an extensive survey with 12000 travellers who made recent trips (May 2010 to May 2011) to Asian countries Including India , and this is what the travellers responded, 36% said India is a jokeand there is no system for anything. 21% said that they are intrigued ,that how can a nation be so big ,so inorganized and still exists. only 2.36% argued in favour that they enjoyed the vast cultural differences.
2) The Religious observation academy (RORA) based in Rome, in its 3rd quarterly report on religious developments concludes that Hinduism is the second most hated religion in the world. Of the people it spoke to , 29% voted against hinduism, it came second only to Islam at 31.33%. Interesting observation that they made is , most people are scared of Islam but not hate it but its the other way round for Hinduism.
3) The worlds oldest archaeological society , The Community Diggers from France, in their literature published in 2012 clearly state that , Indian Mythology is all made up and it has no substantial proof of observations to believe that all these existed. In an example that they pointed out , they said the RAM SETU between Indian and Sri Lanka is a natural phenomenon and is not possible that some humans (read Lord Rama) could have created it . They argued saying that the existing Setu inspired the story around Lord Rama and not the other way round. They also Concluded, that it is absolutely wrong to say that India is the Oldest Civilization as the claim had no scientific backing.
4) The museum of Religious Literature in Copana, South Chile, does not have any copy of any of the vedas in their collection. THe museum has literature from christanity to islam to buddhism to jewism ,but not Hinduism. They claim that the vedas are a more recent imaginative creation of the indian society and historically do not exist. They say ,unless there is an evidence of somekind to prove their existence say 1000 yrs back, they will include it, but so far that hasnt happened.
5) The Department of study of human behavorial pattern in Massachusetts, USA, Rubbishes the claims made by indians about their behaviour towards elders and religious preachings related to them. They conclude that such practices make children more dependant on parents and curtail growth. Also they believe that it was the selfish behaviour of the parents in the Indian society to create such beliefs. They believe that indian parent are the reason for the sufferings on the indian children.
I think the above Reasons are sufficient enough to conclude that India and Indian people and Indian Culture are absolutely FAKE.
===Now , you cannot leave without reading this..continue=
First of all My apologies to all Fellow Indians . Yes the above write up is all fake and Cooked up. None of the Societies or Museum or departments exist. Its all false.
But now go back to when you started reading,
1) Some of you judged my write up even before you started reading it, as it had an explosive headline.
2) Most of you almost believed (though disagreed) with what was being written as i could back it up with some names that sounded real and made them look authentic.
3) Most of us Indians got really angry while reading and hurled abuses at me while reading and, were just waiting for the write up to finish so that you can post nasty comments against it.
4) and some of you never reached here, read it half way, closed the window,wrote nasty comments and left, sorry my apologies will never reach you.
so whats the point….
Dear all, see it is so easy for anyone to write something crap and make it look authentic and post it. i could have written a more explosive and offensive stuff against India or a religion or a community or religious leaders. But i didnt want to take it to that level.
but unfortunately , some people in our society do so for their vested intertests and political gain.
We at times are naive to believe it and propagete it by sharing on social media.
How may times do we think or check the authenticity before sharing something??
DO we feel more more religious by posting something against other religion ?
DO we think of the long term repurcussions? …. unfortunately the unedited and unreliable social media controls our beliefs and thought process today.
Its a humble request to one and all, yess it it great to be expressive, but why post or share something against some country/religion/leader etc. yess, if it is a positive thought or a story , go ahead and share it, but if its negative and you are not sure or have not checked the authenticity, DO NOT SHARE.
There are too many people and bodies , trying to divide us, lets not help them by sharing their fake propaganda.
As I recline my seat and make myself comfortable for watching the latest Bollywood release in a nearby Multiplex, I am surprised when the multiplex plays a trailer of a to be released Marathi movie. Am impressed with the promo, the plot looks good and so is the treatment of the subject, but though I appreciate the promo I don’t make any plans of catching that movie the following week.
As my Bollywood pot boiler unfolds , my disappointment increases with every frame as the movie goes from bad to worse and I just wait for it to get over. Well, I am not surprised thou, as I had fair idea that it was not going to be great and honestly I just came in as it was the most promoted and talked about big banner release with mega stars. Also this was not the first time that I was watching a big banner bull shit, where the makers had succeeded in luring me into their film.
Now as I walk out of this much hyped ,zero on content melodramatic nonsense, I start questioning my sensibilities as too why on earth are we awestruck just by Bollywood, when the regional language makers are churning out a more sensible stuff.
We the people of Maharashtra (me included) have been always guilty of going for the glam quotient without giving a proper thought to the Marathi options that we have. I feel that it’s time we start giving Marathi Movies their due and I have 5 reasons to do so,
The Marathi releases that we have seen in recent past have been great in content, where the writers still hold the forte and are given the due importance. Unlike Bollywood, the emphasis is not just on the scale but also on the story that needs to be told.
It’s a known fact that most actors in these movies are from theatre background and hence are tremendous performers.From Sachin Khedekar to Swapnil Joshi to Sonali kulkarni to Atul Kulkarni and many many more. These are brilliant performers and essay their part with so much ease and are so convincing. These guys don’t need over the top dialogues or reactions to put across their stuff.
Grey cells come alive:
Lot of times these movies touch upon sensitive topic that they actually make you think. We are more often than not worried about the world issues rather than issues closer to the home. These movies remind us about them once in a while.
These movies are not always about billion dollar business magnets or an army basher individual super hero, but most times they are about people like you and me and our lives. Looking at characters you can believe that they exist and you might bump into one of them any moment in your life.
Reading through the write up, if you thought that these movies are less of entertainment and more of a documentary, let me warn you, you will be pleasantly surprised at the lively treatment of the subjects. Good music and locales are part of all these movies off late. So never low on entertainment quotient.
FINALLY: I don’t want a diktat from Shiv Sena or MNS or someone else about the number of shows or timings etc. all of us who understand Marathi should give good content a chance to grow. Am sure if we do, the industry grows , so does the language and most importantly we have great content to keep us entertained.
GO BUY YOUR TICKETS NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
10th Feb 2015 is one such day that everyone has found a reason to be happy. The phenomenal rise of the AAM AADMI , the common man has made even the biggest of the critics to stop and take notice. But, as I keep looking at the visuals flipping the news channels, I am slowly realizing that this election and its results have given all of us a lesson. We the AAM AADMI, the non political breed can actually incorporate a lot of lessons from these elections in our day to day life. I am ecstatic, that I have got a day in my life, where we can actually take positives and life changing lessons from our political class.This is what I learnt from the great Indian political drama today,
LESSON 1 : Have an Opinion and take a stand
Rewind a few years back and all we can remember are the shamble that the country was in. Suddenly there comes an uprising that will someday make a good read in history books. An old man and his associates stage a protest which goes on to become a national hysteria. One of them realizes that just protests are not working and you have to enter the system. This little man had an opinion about our system, he believed in it decided to launch AAP.
In our lives also lot of times we have our opinions but end up either shutting up or taking politically correct stands. This is purely due to the repercussions that we might have to face. We need to respect our own opinions and have the courage to stand up for them, people may or may not agree, but what is correct is always correct.
LESSON 2 : Take that big bold step
Here we have a man who was the Income tax commissioner, took a plunge into political dirt and came out pure. Most of us are ‘ALMOST’ people. We almost did a lot of things in our lives. The fact is , being almost there can ever be the same as actually being there. Time and again we have raised a leg and pulled it back thinking whether this step is too big for me. TAKE that bold first step, it might pull you back initially but might just give you the leap of your life.
LESSON 3 :Take people along,Be a team.
The success of AAP was never possible without the contributions of the foot soldiers or the other members.The members who believed in each other. Success can be bigger when a team looks for it. We need to learn to be a team man first and then when we become the leader the earlier team man will draw the huge respect from his current team. Arrogance and dictatorial nature can never lead to sustainable success.
LESSON 4 : Make Mistakes
We all have been brought up saying ‘Learn from others mistakes’ but we can never grow without making our share of mistakes. If we keep looking at others mistakes, we might end up achieving what they did, but will never explore our own horizons. Go, Try, Fail and try again. Take mistakes as commas and not the full stops in life.
LESSON 5 : Apologize
It cannot be ruled out that when we make mistakes, intentionally or otherwise, we might end up hurting lot of other people. ‘I Don’t give a damn’ attitude is the weakest response. Once you realize, go out and apologize. It might not correct the past mistakes but will help in restoring the faith. Yes it is true, that uttering the word ‘SORRY’ takes maximum courage and only the men of steel have that.
LESSON 6 : Keep working at the grassroots
Lot of people, irrespective of whether they have succeeded or failed tend to move away from the grass roots. To be continually successful you need to keep working at the grassroot levels and keep trying to gauge the changin g nature of the dynamics at the lowest level. These little changes can bring about a paradigm change in the system.May be this is what the congress didn’t do, during its 15 years of rule in Delhi.
LESSON 7 : Be loyal and reward loyalists.
Private or corporate jobs are more about switch today. But the age old adage of favouring the loyalist always pays. Imagine the plight of shazia ilmi, poor girl saw an opportunity and jumped, only to realize that she is in the wrong boat. On the other hane a certain Kiran bedi did not go down well with the old party loyalists. In an organization loyalty must be appreciated and appropriately rewarded.coz, u always need the people who know your organizations pulse.
LESSON 8 : Be Humble
When over the moon, the most important thing is to have the feet grounded. Only someone who has the ability to stay calm under crisis and be humble in euphoria will reach the pinnacle.
LESSON 9: Make a style statement (of your own)
Lot of us try to be somebody and lose ourselves. A muffler which was joked upon is slowly becoming an icon. A style statement, a piece of cloth that is today highly respected. Be what you are, wear, work and behave the way you want. Once you succeed, the walk , the talk that you made ,everything will become iconic.just be yourself.